(Sorry about the picture they will get better, I promise)
So today has been a pretty busy day involving work, seeing friends and trying to spend time with the boyfriend as well as keeping up with TV shows (Broadchurch) and writing my very first blog post!
So it got me thinking, as I struggle to be everything to everyone, what is the perfect life balance?
As a new full time worker it has been a culture shock how little time there is in 24 hours! It is so hard to try and be the best apprentice in the world and knock my managers socks off so he is fooled into giving my a permanent job. PLEAAAASE. As well as trying to be an awesome friend and be involved with every outing and piece of gossip along side being the most attentive and affectionate girlfriend ever! After 4 months of trying to do all of the above, I am starting to realise this might not possible. I neither have the motivation or energy to try be the best at eveything, surely I am setting myself up for disappointment.
So how do people do it? I am forever wondering how people have these glossy, instagram perfect worlds filled with social partys, cosy nights in and perfect high flying jobs. I'm not jealous, just very very curious. Where do they get the time? I see these worlds and beat myself up that I don't have this balance. Why do I find it so draining and tiring? Is there extra hours in the day someone isn't telling me about?
I think most of my problem is I hate letting people down, and I find it hard to say no. Even if I am assured I'm not letting someone down, I feel like I am. I find it hard to go out and leave Matthew at home because is that what girlfriends do? I find it harder to say no to my friends because, what if they realise they have more fun without me and stop inviting me? What if, what if?!
In retrospect I have a pretty easy world. I just about work enough hours to class as full time, I have the most understanding boyfriend who accepts these downs I have and I have pretty fun and uplifting friends. I should feel like I have it all, with enough time to please everyone, so why don't I? I never feel like I have/do enough.
I get this feeling that as human beings we like to beat ourselves up for the things we don't do, instead of rewarding ourselves for the things we do do. I should have gone to that party, I should have ticked more off my to do list today, I should be more thoughtful to those around me. But when is it time to just stop, and do what we feel like doing, not what we feel we should be doing?
This week (and maybe longer if possible) I am going to try to stop worrying if I am doing enough for everyone and start thinking about what makes me happy. So what if I am not the best at everything, I need to trust that I am good enough to keep those around me satisfied and stop wearing myself out.
So, what are your ways of finding the perfect balance? And how long did it take to find it?