A week on from the horror that were the events in Tunisia. Nearly the 10 year anniversary of the 7/7 bombings. Yesterday also marked the five year anniversary since I lost my Mum. The thing with grief is that it effects everyone so differently. There's so guidebook that tells you how you should be feeling, what you should do next, how you should tell someone what you're going through. I wish there was this guidebook that helped you through it all, but it would be impossible because no one deals with it the same. I am certainly no expert on death or grieving, but I would like to share my experience and hope that this helps some people. Try to add some normality back into your life I do think that everyone feels like time slows down when trauma occurs. Personally, every time I receive news of a tragedy or when I lose someone close to me, it feels like the world has gone into slow motion. The world hasn't stopped and you can still see people being busy, but everything just takes longer. Every minute is longer. Everything feels hazy and out of this world.
I would like to think I am a rational person. It is very rare that I lash out in a stressful situation. So when I was grieving, I was adamant that I wanted to get back to normal. It wasn't that I wanted to forget about it all and put it behind me. It was more that I wanted to take my mind of everything for a while, even for just a few hours a day. Plus, my family are pretty amazing and none of them wanted to stay at home either. We all kind of just got on to things. But that's just how we are. There's nothing to say that taking time out to deal with it in your own time is wrong. You know whats right for your body. But I do believe that getting out of the house helps. If you're seriously grieving right now, go take a walk, go out for lunch. Do something just to escape for a little while.
Come to terms with it all The thing I think most people that aren't grieving the same way (friends, colleges etc) overlook is that grief never goes away. It never gets easier either, no matter how much time passes. You just get used to it, in a strange way. There will always be a hole in your life and you will never stop thinking 'what would they think if they were here to see that' or 'what are they thinking now'. You just accept it. After 5 years I am definitely not over the fact my mum isn't here, I miss her everyday and she is always in my thoughts. There's so much I would love to tell her. But I accept that life goes on and I just work my hardest to make her proud. Everything that I do, I try to do with thoughts that it would make my mum smile if she was here. It's a nice way to keep her in my life.
Remember the positive Someone told me not to dwell on the fact they are gone, but remember that they were once here. This really helped me deal with things and put everything into perspective. Although I have lost both of my parents quite young, I feel like I am so lucky that I got to meet both of them and learn that they were both lovely people, that wouldn't hurt anyone. It is so easy to get caught up in the emotions of death but death is just a small part of someones life, that person did so much before they died, so focus on that. Feel lucky that they were in your life, not resentful that they have left you
Talk it out Finally, I believe the best thing to do when you're grieving is to talk about it. Talk about memories of that person. Talk about how you miss them and what you would say if they were here. Talk about anything to do with them. Just talk it out. I don't think anyone can support you if they don't know how you are feeling. I am always talking to MT about my mum, showing him pictures and just sharing memories. I am sure he is fed up of seeing the same picture for the billionth time, but I want her to still be present even if she isn't still here with me.
The world just seems so delicate at the moment. Unfortunately death is a part of life, everyone just needs to struggle through the best we can.